1. Be more playful and don’t take yourself so DAMN seriously!
Sure, unleash your inner wanton vixen or innocent girl next door. Or simply be YOU and embrace the silly side of sex… Joke, laugh, crack up together while you’re rolling around in bed.
2. Learn how to initiate and take rejection
If you OR your partner struggle with initiating sex or taking rejection, you’re likely dealing with the feelings that usually come with it like frustration, anxiety, resentment, or contempt. This can get messy and destructive real fast. After being rejected, initiators can avoid directly asking for sex and hint at it in other ways. The rejectors can sense their every move and may recoil from even the little things like a hug.
Initiators, hear me out.
State what you want without expecting the other want to give it back.
Get curious about how your partner is feeling
Ask if there is anything your partner needs to feel more connected? Hot shower, venting about their day, glass of wine… Get creative!
Give yourself time to feel disappointment. Don’t be a dick, but give yourself permission to feel bummed out.
Listen to your partners bid, consider … even if your first instinct is NO. Don’t pressure yourself, but give yourself permission to wonder if there is part of you that wants to connect.
Maybe you’re not up to sex, but you’d fool around a litt.e
Give an honest reason, even if you’re just not feeling it. You don’t have to explain yourself, but it can help you and your partner feel connected.
Let your partner feel disappointed. You get to say no, and they get to feel let down.
3. Write down 6 things that gave you pleasure today.
Nothing kills the mood like anxiety, pressure, or worrying what your body looks like. Direct your attention to the sensations you’re feeling. Hard to feel worried about your cellulite when you’re fully tuned into your partners lips kissing your neck.
Find pleasure in your everyday life. Is it the smell of freshly cut grass, or the taste of the strawberries you bought from the farmers market. Train your body to tune into the things that give you pleasure! What feels good for your body? What senses allow you to feel the most pleasure? Where can you bring more pleasure into your life?
4. Don’t feel bad about scheduling sex!
Put it on the calendar. Sex can get lost in the mix of our everyday lives. It’s important and deserves your attention.
5. Share your fantasies with your partner
Let your imagination run wild! What do you long for or fantasize about? What is the hottest scenario that you can think of. Write down every sordid detail and let it turn you on. Share it. Possibly even recreate it.
6. Notice when you’re FEELIN’ YOURSELF. What makes you feel hot?!
Is it after a workout? When you listen to that one song that pumps you up? When you’re wearing those heels or slip on that garter?